Last night I went to a 21st party with some of Dan’s friends from college. Despite tonsillitis, having to drive to Manchester and a raging headache, I actually had a really good time and at 3am I really didn’t want to go home. It was funny, watching others slowly getting merry as a sober outsider, and obviously the more people had to drink the easier they found it to ask me questions or come and introduce themselves.
Let me say this, I’m increasingly extroverted the more I am with my friends and the people I am close to, but I hate meeting new people because I feel incredibly shy and stupid. In fact I was rather grateful everyone else had had a drink and came and spoke to me because otherwise I don’t think I would have spoken to anyone. I had two pretty interesting conversations with two guys I had never met before.
The first challenged me about what I consider to be ‘mistakes’ in my life, and how I see the things I regret. It’s only after this conversation – and several conversations about my fear of heights and the fact I would love the feeling of abseiling or skydiving but I could never get myself up to the point to jump to actually let myself experience it. I remember as a child loving swings, slides and climbing frames but hating getting to the ledge for the pole or the monkey bars and taking the easy way out down the slide. When I’d had this conversation I realised something very fundamental about myself – I play things incredibly safe. I don’t enjoy taking risks or experiencing change and the only way I go up to higher places is if I know there is a safety net for me at the bottom. Sometimes not taking the risks means I then look back and keep on wishing I had done something.
The second conversation was brought to me by a mathematician whose first question/statement to me was “You’re engaged?!”. He of course had had a little to drink and baring in mind I had never met the guy before I tried my best not to jump on my ‘justify and defend aggressively’ wagon. I have found that because we are young – (we will be 20 & 21 when we get married) I feel a lot of people who question us about our relationship and our choice to get married only have criticism for not “living our lives first”. So, this in mind I, an emotive person who cares more for feelings than probability and statistics, tried to reason with a statistically minded and less emotive and impulsive person as to why if we feel like now is a good time for us we should get married.
“But why? It’s forever!! You have until you are at least 60 or 70.”
“But I could be hit by a bus tomorrow…”
“You could but it’s highly unlikely. Statistically speaking you will probably live for another fifty years.”
“Yes, but if our plan now is to be together for the rest of our lives then surely if we decide now is the best time to affirm that then we don’t lose out on having ‘a good life’ – I feel we should live in the moment and live now, as we choose to, and so that we are happy making every decision, so if we are the small percent – we have no regrets.”
Sometimes people find it hard to accept and understand and I can totally get that. I enjoyed both conversations – and meeting the respective people – so you can broaden your thoughts and mindset. I still am excited and over the moon to think this time next year I will be Danny’s wife – but I also took away from both conversations something really valuable and I’m glad I didn’t have a drink – because this morning I can remember the conversations!!!!