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All your enemies,
Smile when you fall,
You take it cos you,
Don’t know what you want.
All this love of mine,
And all my precious time,
You waste it cos you,
Don’t know what you want.

The Black Keys – Nova Baby


So I’ve been thinking, about stuff. Again. It’s dangerous, I know. Basically, the weekend just past, Mr E had a pretty serious accident, coming down a mountain on his bike, missed a corner, fought with a tree and a path, and ended up in hospital, in a pretty bad way for a few days.
He payed a pretty small price, his jaw is broken, and we have to have soft food until his bones fuse back. This could take about 6 weeks. It’s horrible to see him suffer, he is my world, and I would swap places with him in a heartbeat so he would have to feel nothing, but we have been so fortunate.
We have been told, in no uncertain terms, that had he not worn a helmet, I would not have had a husband or my best friend. He would have died.
Anyway, we’re out of the woods, and we are on the home straight. His facial abrasions are doing wonders to his street cred. He even picked up a nurses number !! 😉
So this kind of experience gets you a-thinking.
How much do we really show on our social media sites? Is it a case of saying what we really think, or what we think people want us to say? If I update my status to say – “Emmy and Mr E watched an amazing film, love him lots ! xoxox” – when in reality I really liked the film but we argued the toss the whole way through and now we’ve gone to bed not talking, am I really portraying my life the way it’s going? No.
It’s like we can’t admit that sometimes, things just go wrong. That we don’t know it all. That our relationships aren’t perfect and actually, bless them all but don’t they just piss you off sometimes?
Actually, you know what I learned this weekend, that it’s ok to cry, and admit you are frightened. There is no shame in being scared of things you have no control over. There is no shame in feeling like things are way off course.
How cliche, but your friends will soon separate into those who know the difference between your ‘front’ and ‘interior’.
After the shock ripples die down, I think you find all the reasons to celebrate coming out of ‘the other side’. For example, me and Mr E are finding so many new ways to enjoy being with each other. After over five and a half years you find an evening’s conversation can go like this…
“Alright?” “Mnmhmn” “Simpsons?” “Mm… Seen this one.” “Ok…” *Silence*
Actually, when suddenly there is a possibility you might never have a conversation ever again, it’s amazing all the things you find to talk about.
There are so many things you decide to just go ahead and try, because sometimes you think, it’s just too short.
I am no relationship expert, my only ‘qualification’ is experience from my own, watching it transition from a teenage couple into what we are today.
How often do we show that we are struggling to make sense of it all? How often do we type something really honest, hover over the enter button, and then delete it? How often do we go back and write something sure to get the most ‘likes’ or retweets or favourites?
How often are our feeds taken up by people’s ‘fronts’?
Going off at a tangent…
Something that has really taken to me is the soundtrack from the Broadway’s Lion King, after Mr E took me for my Christmas present. I was already fascinated by Zulu and Xhosa, but this music, sung predominantly in the native tongues, really took to me.
The line –Ingonyama nengw’ enamabala – is repeated thoroughly through many songs. It means ‘a lion and a leopard come to this open place’. I’ve never really found anywhere that suggests a deeper meaning to this bizarre statement. Maybe it says something about coming together. Maybe we need to take something from that.
I really urge you to give the soundtrack a listen, especially the Grassland Chant, or even give the musical a watch if you can, it’s spectacular.
So, to wrap up my rather rambly post, thank you to all my readers to taking me near to a thousand views! It’s so nice and to think I’ve only been up and running for a few months.
Speak soon!
E x